Why empty data packets travel faster...

[Inventor]

In the chatroom during Spring Equinox, we arrived at the observation that empty data packets travel faster on the internet than full ones because they only have zeroes and are therefore lighter in mass. This also explains why chat text is so slow compared to streaming audio. It's because text is an older technology and therefore travels slower on the web. Plus it has a lot of ones in it.

What other of life's mysteries have you deciphered?

Les

[Inventor]

Oh yes, then there's the theory that light bulbs are in fact darksuckers. Rather than emit photons, they suck all the darkness out of the ether. For example space is a dark void put put a star - a really big darksucker there and suddenly everything lights up! Makes sense, right?

Les

[robsol]

I have discovered that the universe is one giant self-running patch.

Which leaves the question; has The Great Patcher made a quick trip to the shop round the corner for some more sigarettes?

[Rykhaard]

My Universe's origin theory is that:

once the ever expanding existance of 'nothing' as well as 'anti-nothing' reached a certain point that could not support itself further, collapsing into the centre of itself, exploding out again from the resultant explosion - producing everything that we have now. (Jan. 2nd, 2001).

I've believed that, at least as much as any other existant theory.

[Inventor]

This may seem strange but I notice parallels between the creation story of the Bible in Genesis and scientific theories like the big bang about the origins of the universe. Of course it's all anecdotal but still there are parallels.

Les

[Inventor]

@Rich: Your universal creation theory lacks one thing: LEDs!



Les

[Octahedra]

[nobody]

Things I have learned about The Way Things Work:

There is no Small Man inside the fridge turning the light on and off. It's a penguin.

There really is a monster under your bed - you just can't see him during the day and past a certain age. He comes out and sprinkles dreams into your brain.

When it rains, that's not God weeping for joy. He's pissing on the world in contempt.

We need look no further than the US gov't for black holes and antimatter.

I'm not actually of above-average intelligence. Most people are just below.

If you crank the most powerful amp up as far as you can push it and then add 1 to it, it will be so loud it will loop around the cosmos and appear to actually be silent.

EIEIO is the first boot loader. It was invented by Farmer MacDonald. This fact has fallen into obscurity and all we have left is an inane song. EIEIO is the great-great-great-great-great granddaddy of LILO. Farmer MacD worked closely with George Washington Carver to test this boot loader on the first computer made out of a peanut.

[Danno Gee Ray]

Old Macintosh

Old Macintosh, was a computer, E I…E I…O
It became a digital tutor, E I…E I…O
Went insane, in, fits of bits, E I…E I…O
It just quit, and, upped its tits, E I…E I…Oh No

Echo Echo, Aye N Aye
Half adder and a carry, you, multiply
If you convert, then you can tell
how it goes, in, hex-a-decimel
Echo Echo, Aye N Aye
Binary spirit, up to the sky
It got lost, in its, yes and know
Couldn’t conclude, to which, jump to go

Old PC was an innovator, I E…I E…O
Now it’s outclassed, by a calculator, I E…I E…O
Double dealt by someone’s law, I E…I E…O
Planned obsolescence, its only flaw, I E…I E…Oh No

Echo Echo, Aye N Aye
Half adder and a carry, you, multiply
If you convert, then you can tell
how it goes, in, hex-a-decimel
Echo Echo, Aye N Aye
Binary spirit, up to the sky
It got lost, in its, yes and know
Couldn’t conclude, to which, jump to go

So for our dollars, what do they do? Hidey, Hidey…Ho
Buy ‘em up used, and sell ‘em as new, Hidey, Hidey…Ho
So now, they recycle, our tech-nology, Hidey, Hidey…Ho
And when it all dies, sell apologies, Hidey, Hidey…Oh No

Echo, Echo, Aye N Aye
Half adder and a carry, you, multiply
If I convert, then you can spell
Go to hell, in, hex-a-decimel
Echo, Echo, Aye N Aye
Binary spirit, up in the sky
I got lost, and yes, you know
Without includes, I couldn’t jump so

Echo, Echo, Aye N Aye
Where’s the power, when digits die?
Will we know when, we should quit?
And who’s the least significant bit?

[nobody]

What would we do without Dano's ad-libbing?

Reminds me of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", which I just put in my Netflix queue.

[Danno Gee Ray]

Glad to be of soy-vice.

[nobody]

Do you really want to be of soy-vice? You could end up as soy-lent.

EDIT:

Ooh, this is post 666 for Audiodef.

YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL!!!

BWA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!