Taking a break from music

Inventor

This October fast approaching marks my third year with electro-music.com, and some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around lately. Although I value my friendships at em, here I am three years later sitting by myself alone in a tiny little prison cell apartment. It's been a wonderful experience so far and I've gained many joyful memories, however it has also been three years of physical isolation.

It's still not what I'm looking for, but in the online game Second Life I have the opportunity of verbally communicating with women, something that doesn't happen in this white male dominated community, or not very much. It may just be a pixel world but this forum is even worse - just text. I feel so cold and isolated sometimes. This morning I awoke alone again, sad and depressed, so I wrote a song to express how I feel right now. Here it is:

BobTheDog · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 3:46 am Post subject:

Shit Les,

I don't really know how to word this but as far as I can see you shouldn't stop posting on this forum, or give up any of the things you have been working on.

Antimon · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 4:16 am Post subject:

What BobTheDog said.

Know that this forum is a packet of love that you are free to squeeze wherever there's an internet connection. Love can take odd shapes sometimes. love

/Stefan

EdisonRex · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:24 am Post subject:

People take breaks from things.

We'll be here when you come back Les. I hope that's not too far in the future.

blue hell · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:33 am Post subject:

Sorry to hear Les, gonna mis ya - but you'll always be welcome here of course.

DES · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:58 am Post subject:

Les -

I took off several years before I came back. I can't say exactly why I left, but I did. Now I'm back and I'm very glad I did.

Don't let the depression get the best of you. You have a lot of friends and support here at E-M and while it's not quite the same as face-to-face, they're here.

Your church group - do they happen to be local? If so - go to meetings with them or perhaps join the church band (if they have one) - if not playing, perhaps engineering for them. Or if that group isn't local, find one that is.

Maybe a new hobby? Or pick up on one that you haven't been as active with. I used to be really involved in electronics - repair, tinkering, etc. but eventually got away from it - mostly due to a nerve condition that causes my hands to shake a lot more then normal (great for vibrato - but bad when working on high-voltage supplies Shocked

) It was actually to a point where I had to make a career change. That doesn't mean I've given up on it entirely - I just have found other things to replace it.

The important thing though - keep in touch with your friends. And try to make new ones. On-line is ok, but try and get into situations where you can meet people face to face.

Hope you stick around, even if it's not as much as before.

MusicMan11712 · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:05 am Post subject:

Hi, Les. Sometimes we just need to take a break and change our routines and scenery, so what you say makes sense. Do stop in periodically, even just to listen to a show for a few minutes and say hi. Keep us posted on your plans. You have helped clear some interesting paths for me and I assume others. I have learned a lot about circuits over the past year and who knows, maybe one of my kids will get into electronics thanks to "Inventor's Inventions." Congratulations on your sobriety success!! Hope to hear more good news from you--maybe even a show.
--Steve

Uncle Krunkus · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:40 am Post subject:

You've certainly inspired me Les.
I'm looking at being off work for a while with my back like it is, and I know that it can be hard to remain motivated and optimistic sometimes. Keep in mind though that online friends are important, but only part of the overall picture.
Everybody needs some face to face social life. If you're not getting much of that, then it makes sense to invest in some offline life as well.
You know me, I'd recommend steering clear of the churches! Laughing

Maybe sign up for a community course, photography class, orienteering, toastmasters, birdwatching (!) Very Happy

Something to get you out of the house. Not to find the love of your life, just for the sake of it. The love of your life will come along when you least expect it. The only people who remain alone are those who are obsessed with making friends. Smile

Know that you have friends. You are highly regarded for the generous, good humoured person that you are.

DrJustice · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:54 am Post subject:

Les, I'm sorry to hear that. Whatever you do, keep yourself busy, don't let the brooding take over. As others have said, maybe try some new activities, something that gets you out of the apartment.

You and your your inexhaustible supply of ideas will be missed. EM will be here when you feel like getting into it again - your eventual return will be celebrated.

DJ
--

v-un-v · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 9:17 am Post subject:

Scott Stites · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 9:55 am Post subject:

Hope you come back soon or at least on occasion. The internet fora are so full of soul crushing hipster-cynicism that it's become much, much less a part of my daily diet than it used to before. electro-music's culture is a welcome respite from that; particularly the posts and ideas from some dude named Inventor. Very Happy

Invent like the wind and worry more about the ends, and not so much the means; you've only got to please yourself. I trust love will find a way, but help it along with any methods at your disposal (like you need me to tell you that).

Cheerios,
Scott

GovernorSilver · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 11:02 am Post subject:

Les,

I wish you the best, in whatever you decide to do.

The 3 weeks I recently spent in Geneva for a 3-week French course at UNIGE changed my life in a number of ways. It was a vacation not only from my job, but also from musical activities, and basically my normal life. Yet at the same time I found new connections, which in turn led to valuing the ones I already had before the trip even more.

KillerHaven

isolation is a tough one. best wishes to you, your life, and ventures. hope to run into you soon here, there, wherever...

D.Miñoza

kkissinger

Jack_Hertz · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 2:34 pm Post subject:

Awesome. Life is for livin'. Go for it.

Danno Gee Ray · Joined: Sep 25, 2005 Posts: 1351 Location: Telford, PA USA

Best of luck to you Les.

Hopefully you'll be back, having found some of what you need. Won't tell ya where to look or what to look for. I will echo that you have friends here.

Dan

Inventor · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:20 pm Post subject:

I forgot what I wrote and I'm too irritated to do anything but skim the responses, sorry bout that. I slept a long time and woke up very angry so I got my anger out by spending two hours sharpening my stun knife and then I wrote a song. I think one of the reasons that I don't have rl social fulfillment is because every time I go out in this God forsaken hell hole of a community, someone stares at me or shouts insults at me, etc. It's not so bad now but I endured years and years of such behavior and I have no idea why. So basically I don't go out to social places so i don't meet rl friends and then things like a relationship never form. So at times like this i imagine crafting and using weapons on those who abuse me. It's not a real solution because I'd end up arrested or worse, so I just imagine it fora while and get my anger out, and then never act on it. Anyway, this is the song I wrote today.

robsol · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:18 am Post subject:

I hope you find peace Les.

Jack_Hertz · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:18 am Post subject:

Not to sound all weird, but I was there for a long time. Then I got into Buddhism. Totally changed my outlook. Taught me I could choose happiness.

mosc · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:29 am Post subject:

Your poetry is very powerful, even when it's unpleasant.

We are all alone; sometimes the most alone when surrounded by people. But, we are all joined too. In fact,we are all the same, tiny parts of a single consciousness. You have a lot of friends here that care about you. We are more reliable than God, so don't go away. We appreciate you and enjoy you. In fact, we need you. Even though we communicate through these electronic means, we are definitely real.

Don't forget, you have just given up smoking and drinking. That will make the sanest person depressed. It takes a long time to adjust to that. Hang in there and share your blues with your friends.

If I walked down the street and found everyone like the people in this community, then I would drop out. Why would I spend my time here? But, like you, the street is somewhat like an alien world to me. That's why this community is so important to me, and so many of us. That's why you are important to us.

Don't go away, Les. It will bum me out.

GovernorSilver · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 12:17 pm Post subject:

Would it be possible to take a vacation not only from music, but from the place where you live?

This may or may not be related at all, but my most recent vacation is still on my mind - the subject of this video doesn't say it directly, but she hints that she is a bit depressed and lonely, until she experiences an epiphany during this vacation:

http://vimeo.com/5988391

bachus · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:02 pm Post subject:

Les, I realize that the source of your pain is existential and cannot simply be put aside, but that doesn't mean it has to dominate your life even if it does so now Depression is a slow dark vorext that can pull you in so deep it's impossible to see one's way out without help of some kind.

I've be fighting bipolar disorder and depression since before lithium was the drug of choice for its treatment. Nothing worked well until I got on Lexapro. New anti depressants come out all the time, perhaps you might consider a change in medications or seek other professional help.

In anycase, take care of your self Les.

robert

Uncle Krunkus · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 4:23 pm Post subject:

I've found that there is no particular drug which will deliver you ultimate happiness. No particular friend, lover, or pet which will make every minute a joy.
Even my own two little girls, who are, to me, are the most beautiful, caring, inspiring, optimistic people I have ever met, are sometimes not enough to drag me out of a hole.

Sometimes I wake up and feel like I'm sliding into a pit of despair before I even get out of bed. Hannah, who is wedged between Felicity and I, will roll over and say "I love you Dad" and that is all I need to face the day. It's not a big thing, but it's enough to keep me going. Sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps me going.
Certain things will make us happy, for a certain amount of time.
Certain other things will make us sad.

The worst thing about depression for me is that it tricks you into believing that the good things you have are not good enough. Not that you didn't have a good day, but that there were no good parts in your day. There always are good parts. Depression masks them. Makes it all feel the same.

This is one of the reasons that I believe in the usefulness of antidepressants. They are usually a short term thing, and should be regularly monitored and changed if need be, but the use of antidepressants can shift things in the right direction.
Depression is a concrete condition which, regardless of it's cause, will result in chemical and behavioural changes which are very hard to reverse through sheer will power, faith, etc. Depression is not a moral failing anymore than diabetes or a broken leg is.

BTW The moral failing is a society (some of them "advanced", "rich" societies) which will let somebody flounder in the depths of depression just because they don't have medical insurance. It's no more ethically sound than letting children starve to death. It happens in Australia as much as the US. We go to vote today, and as usual, mental health has been virtually ignored by the two major parties.

electri-fire · Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:08 am Post subject:

I don't know what to say now, still need to recover from a bit of a shock really.

Though I'm not entirely feeling up to the task I'v decided to proceed with the workshop. If you are willing to put up to dealing with the magicians apprentice instead of the Master himself. You will be missed Les, but I sympathize with your reasons. Dare I quote you again? "This too shall pass."

Sartre: "L'enfer , c'est les autres ".